Needs and Desires
by Asoomy
Summary: Shinichi is forced to make a decision concerning those he cares about most when Ran confronts him about his past, present and his future. Mori Ran Kudo Shinichi/Edogawa Conan Miyano Shiho/ Haibara Ai


Author's note: this story is set two years after the fall of the organization. The story revolves around the lives of Kudo Shinichi, Mori Ran and Miyano Shiho.

 **Needs and Desires**

I don't own detective Conan or any of the characters.

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 **Chapter One**

I am waiting for him. My leg is shaking and I feel cold. My fingers are numb. Am I making a mistake? I have everything I have ever desired in my hand. Life has finally dealt me the hand that I wanted, but is it real. Will it last? All my dreams and fantasies, the future that I planned years ago, everything I have longed for for so long, am I throwing it all away?

I look up to the sky and close my eyes. I inhale so deep that it hurts. I go over the reasons in my head as to why I have come to this decision. All the conversation, conflicts and resolutions, all that we were, everything we are now and the people we aspire to be in the future. The future we constructed in our minds. The future I am about to tear apart.

"Yoo Ran," he says.

I exhale and open my eyes. I turn to face him and he's looking at me, smiling. My chest tightens. He gets closer and my mind again races through my reasoning, battling away with my heart and soul. He stops ahead of me and looks up to the sky, "beautiful night," he says.

I shift my gaze to the sky, "what would you do if you were given the choice between what you desire most in this world and what you need more than anything else?" I ask him.

He looks at me confused for a second but then shrugs it off, "desires are dangerous, temptations are often distractions that sway a person away from their aspirations. Desires are infinite and no matter how much you attain you will always be hungry for more. It's a basic principal and a fact of human nature. Desire for power, money or even love have resulted in major tragedies throughout human history, personally I try to limit my hunt for desires and instead focus on what I need in order to get where I want to be," he says.

I was right. A sad smile slips onto my face and I can't help but chuckle. I guess this really has been a long time coming.

"I remember what you used to be like before the organization, you used to flip through newspapers trying to find the page your picture was on. You would read the whole article until you memorized it and then read it out to anyone who'll listen. You showed off whenever you could whether it was through deductions or soccer you were always there prove to everyone that you are the best. You were arrogant and selfish, never one to humble himself or appreciate what life has given him," I say.

He doesn't say anything but his face tells me he agrees. "I never liked it but I always thought that you deserved it, I mean everything you said you were able to back up, you never once failed to deliver. Shinichi to me you were perfect and all your flaws became mere personality quirks that are annoying and yet somehow adorable. I started to fall in love with you a long time ago and as time went past my love for you kept growing and it got to a point where I believed that this was destiny. That we were meant to be. You became the center of my fantasies. What my future revolved around. I neglected all your flaws and I fell in love with who you were," He smile the smile that sets my heart on fire.

"I thought we had all the time in the world. I thought we had it all. I thought that the I knew everything about you, bad and good. Then one day you disappeared, one minute you were next to me and the next you were nowhere to be found. I missed you so much. You were the last thing that I thought of every night before falling asleep. The image of you was never far off from my mind. Since then whenever you came back, I was desperate to hold on to you, I was desperate to never let you go. Yet, somehow you always managed to slip by me. Everytime we met I could see the pain in your eyes and it never made sense to me. It does now, knowing everything you went through I understand why you had to leave everytime. I get why you never told me and when it was all over, you came back to me. You came back to me and told me that you were never going away," I can't look him in the eye anymore.

"Suddenly my life was perfect, you were there by my side holding my hand. Soon after that my parents got back together. My fantasies started to shape my reality one after another. It was perfect. A few months into our relationship I started noticing little things. Little changes about you that I never noticed before. You were still the arrogant jerk everyone eventually came to admire. Yet somehow you were different, you became a lot more aware of other people, you started sympathizing with the motives of every crime you solve and you kept second guessing your every decision. You seemed damaged to all of us. "

"Ran a lot of things happened back then and I am trying to cope with it the best I can, I'm working my way back to who I was and I'm starting to get there-" I cut him off.

"I know what you had to do to take them down. I know that you lost people in that fight and for so long I thought that's what damaged you. I tried to help you find your way back, I did everything in my power to save you from own doubts, to bring you back home. Now, you're starting to go back to who you were and everyone can see that. I was really happy to see that. Until I realized that we were all wrong," I tell him.

He doesn't say anything, he's waiting for me to go on, "they never broke you, they made you stronger. You lost sight of who you were and we all interpreted that as a sign of a damaged man but we were all wrong. You are looking for a way back and that's all we have been trying to do but not once did we stop and think that there is a way forward. You are developing into the person we all hoped you could become someday and as soon as you hit an obstacle we all rushed to pull you back. You are shrinking back to who you used to be and we never realized it. All the time we spent together and i never realized I was holding you back, I was desperate for you to find your way back because I always regarded you as perfect. I neglected all your flaws and as a result I eliminated every opportunity for you to grow as a person as well as a detective and I held you back. I'm so sorry."

"I started asking myself why you had changed. I began to wonder what motivated you to grow and mature. At first, I thought it must have been the whole experience that affected you, but then if that is true, there is nothing I can do now to help you now. There is nothing that I am capable of doing to help you become the man you have to be. We were all too late to realize it. Yet, if something other than the experience changed you then there's still hope right?" I bring myself to look him in the eye.

He's confused. I can see it on his face. His tongue twists and turns and his lips part a couple of times before failing to make a sound. I don't give him a chance to try again, I need to get this off my chest.

"Miyano Shiho is the reason why you changed so much. She's the person that pushed you over your limits everytime, she acknowledged your flaws and pointed them out when all we ever did was show you how perfect you are. She's the only person that is willing to break you before fixing you. When Hakase was killed by the organization, you were lost in your hatred, you forgot about justice and started hunting them for your personal vendetta. We couldn't stop you, we tried but failed. She stood up to you. You needed to be stopped and she did that. She knew that you needed to grieve. And you did, with her. Whenever you were losing sight of who you were, she was the only one that gave you a way forward. When Gin was leaning up against that wall helpless, you pulled your gun and you aimed right at him and for the first time I saw evil in your eyes and I knew you would do it. I heard a gunshot and I was looking at you wondering who you have become before I realized that you never had the chance to pull the trigger. She killed him first, you weren't ready to take a life, she knew that and so she accepted that burden. She knew that killing him would have pushed you over the edge and so she intervened. She knows your limits, not once did she underestimate you, not once did she overestimate you, she knew exactly how far your abilities stretched and that's why she was always the prefect partner for you. The last two years started to undo all that you learned and you need to realize that," I'm starting to tear up and I force myself to finally say it, "Shinichi, I love you but I don't think us being together is good for either of us".

He ruffles his hair before speaking, his voice is shaking, "Ran what the hell are you talking about, what you were saying before was barely making any sense to me but now I'm honestly lost. What does Haibara have to do with anything. She's my partner and I have always realized how much she has done for me but that's all there is to it. She's my partner but you are the one I love, I've always loved you and I always will. Everything is finally perfect, so why complicate things, why are you over thinking things so much. We planned our lives together remember? All the things we said we would do and all the places we said we would visit. We are happy together so why change anything?" His voice gets louder with every word.

"Shinichi, it is perfect but it's not perfect for you. You are a mystery freak, the biggest mystery anyone can face is the mystery of their own future, and having your life planned out for you will never satisfy you. It will never tame your curiosity. You will always be looking for something that will never come. You will always be waiting for a twist that will never happen. You will always want more and you can't have that, not with me. Maybe love is not enough on its own, I have nothing to offer you and you need someone that does."

I stop to catch my breath but I never give him a chance to finish, "you are leading a dangerous life, every case you work is more dangerous than the one before it and I can't handle waiting for you every night while knowing that you can't protect yourself. Because everything that happened since the fall of the organization has turned you back into the naive person you used to be, everything she did to prepare you for the life that you are leading has crumbled down and if you don't become the person you need to be to survive in the world that you live in then you will not last for much longer and I can't spend every night with the phone in my lap waiting for the call I never want to answer, it hurts too much," I'm crying , he's frozen in place, "you made your choice a long time ago, you don't need a lover, you need a partner, a partner that will stand by you through the good and the bad, a partner that you will always need by your side, and that can never be me."

I begin again, "she is the only person that can lead you into the life you chose to live and you need to stop and appreciate what you have with her, it's the best you are ever going to get. You need her in your life more than anything and if you don't realize that then you may end up losing her. You told me that desires are obstacles in the path to achieve your dreams, I'm your biggest distraction and it's time for you to set yourself free. I don't have it in me to end what we have and so I want you to choose, but I need you to open your eyes for the possibility that she might just be the one. I think deep down inside you'll find the answer."

I close my eyes and wait.

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To be continued

Reviews and suggestions are welcomed : )


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